“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” (Second Epistle to the Corinthians, ch. 7, verse 10*, the bold font is ours)
“If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him.” (First Epistle of John, ch. 3, verses 20-22*)
You have probably noticed that when it comes to guilt, guilty conscience, condemnation, and self-condemnation, people tend to fall into two extremes – those who will never admit they made a mistake and those who apologize for everything with or without cause.
Not only in the world we observe but also in the Bible, we see different reactions of people towards condemnation, guilt, and reproof. We notice that the course of a person's life greatly depends on how they perceive and understand these terms. For example, we have two people who sin, but God’s attitude towards them and consequently their reactions are completely different. One's sin costs him his life physically – Judas Iscariot commits suicide after betraying Christ, but the Apostle Peter repents, and the Lord restores him to service, even entrusting him with shepherding the first church. Why is it so? Does God simply decide to forgive one and punish the other? What is our personal attitude towards guilt, and is it healthy? Does guilt motivate us to quickly get out of the mire and repent, or does it actually block us from living for God?
The myths of guilt are deeply connected with what we believe about God and people, as well as with what we believe love and forgiveness are.
“Love and forgiveness are owed to me. This makes everyone automatically obliged to me. I cannot be rejected and abandoned.”
People with this mindset do not accept that there is a need to do or give something of themselves in their relationships with others. This could also translate into their attitude towards God. They rarely see the need for repentance and often prefer to minimize the problems in their behavior and thinking. They cannot admit when they are wrong, almost never saying “sorry” and “thank you.” They seem to have no problem with self-blame. At times, each of us falls into this group – the self-righteous group. The truth is that this is an escape from guilt, but not the right approach to it. In fact, these people are afraid to entertain the thought that they might be wrong because they dread abandonment and rejection – both from people and from God.
“Love and forgiveness must be earned. I cannot give or receive them without expecting something in return – a corresponding good deed, behavior, a gift, or even a compliment. I can be rejected and abandoned every time I fail to perform well.”
The people from this group “catch moisture from the air,” or in other words, blame themselves for absolutely everything. They live in fear of rejection because they see that they cannot be perfect. Yet they rely on themselves to earn forgiveness and love. Guilt and the fear of rejection due to it are the driving forces of all their actions, not love. This is felt in the lack of freedom in their relationships with others. They would find it difficult to believe that Jesus Christ loves them unconditionally and would struggle to grasp the idea of Redemption on the Cross because it seems illogical to them. How can someone love you so much to die for you, despite your guilt and sinfulness?!
The truth is that since the fall in Eden, guilt stands like a wall and obstacle between us humans and God. It frightens us, weakens us, deceives us into thinking we are irrevocably lost, makes us hide, lie, fall into even deeper guilt, try to earn our redemption, and seek revenge and justice in our way. But what is the truth about guilt?
Guilt is like pain – it is a signal. The signal itself is not a problem; on the contrary, it helps us change things for the better. If your tooth hurts, you will seek a dentist; if it hurts when you touch something hot, you will pull your hand away. Ignoring pain, just as with guilt, leads to injury. Excessive sensitivity to pain, like guilt, leads to fear that blocks us from doing good and brave things.
If we could articulate what a healthy understanding of guilt and consequently forgiveness and God’s love would be, we could say this: “Love and forgiveness cannot be earned. I receive them as a gift from God, so I want to give them to others. When I fall or sin, I can always receive forgiveness when I repent and ask for it from God. If I can do something to compensate for the harm caused by my sin, I will do it. Then I will continue to live with the consciousness that I am a loved and accepted child of God who needs to change and grow.”
“My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.” (First Epistle of John, ch. 2, verses 1-2*)
Challenge for the week: If you know or feel guilt towards someone or something but suppress it or do not know how to change the situation or your personal attitude, challenge yourself this week. Look impartially at the situation before God in prayer. If you see that you could apologize to the person, compensate for the damage done, or ask God to change something personally within you, do it. After asking for forgiveness from God and possibly from the person, do not look back. You have received forgiveness. You are accepted and loved.
*The biblical quotes are according to the text of the Bible, new translation from the original languages © Bulgarian Bible Society 2013.
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